Conversations and Courtesy

Talking with people with whom we disagree is essential to a civil and viable society.

However, social media are poor forums for discussion about serious topics, and the very nature of Facebook, for example, lends itself to proclamations* rather than the back-and-forth of an in-person conversation that can lead to greater mutual understanding. Even if the objective of a conversation is persuasion, the starting point must still be understanding.

Because it is so easy on social media to be misunderstood and to misunderstand, it is therefore even more important that we abide by principles of courteous discourse.

I strive to apply the chivalric virtues** to my conduct. Trying to put into practice the virtues of courage, franchise, fortitude, etc, each in our own ways, to the best of our understanding and ability, is useful to a functioning society.

Therefore, I will share my personal rules for courteous discourse. I do not claim to apply these principles perfectly or at all times. But, as in any of the virtues, I strive to improve. —————- Radding’s rules for applying the virtue of courtesy to conversation: — When I follow these rules I can maintain my honesty (the virtue of veritas), and still can strongly disagree with someone while remaining courteous. If these rules are not followed, then the focus of the discussion changes and mutual understanding is likely not to be achieved.

1. Agree on terms and definitions 2. Stick to the subject 3. Don't call names 4. Use proper forms of address 5. Don't interrupt 6. Don't raise your voice

However, such a conversation presupposes certain conditions: - mutual respect - evidence-based discussion - a willingness to agree to common terms and definitions - the avoidance of logical fallacies - an agreement on the difference between personal opinions and evidence-based conclusions using credible sources of data and analysis.

When I encounter a person with whom I disagree, I will only discuss with them if these conditions are met.

I don’t owe trolls anything.

Being courteous is a way of maintaining public control, dignity, and self-respect, and it is not the same as just being nice.***

* I realize that this post is a proclamation itself, but because I do welcome comments, I hope this may also be a conversation starter.

** There are many lists of the chivalric (i.e. knightly) virtues. Among these are courtesy, honesty, courage, prowess, loyalty, and generosity. But you will find many more. ***Of course, public courtesy does not preclude a private rant that is full of name-calling, invective, and increased volume, which we all need to do occasionally. But this should remain private.